I have bipolar 1 disorder

I started this blog as a place for people to visit for emotional support and finding natural ways to treat mental health issues. Well, tonight it’s a bit back wards. I’m sort of here for support and a place to share my current experience being on psych meds for bipolar 1 disorder.

I have prided myself for not taking pills for ten years. “the natural way,” I called it. and I am still trying to wrap my head around me being on mediation for four months now, experiencing side effects, insomnia and constipation. The whole shebang.

So, yes a part of me is still kicking and screaming at the fact that I am on medication. It was a choice I had to make for my family after my break down in October.

The end of October quieted down after a world wind of panic attacks starting on October 3, 2016 (I’ll never forget the day) I quickly fell into a major depressive state for 6 months. And I know it has everything to do with accepting my new reality, and coming off my manic high. Not only did I become depressed, I reverted back to a helpless childlike baby state in a 32 year old body.  I’m still not sure why, but something triggered me. I was completely selfish and self consumed with inner torture.

cant sleep


My biggest grievance would be my loss of sleep. I will lay in bed all night waiting and nothing. The sun slowing comes up again, I feel dizzy and weak. I’m accepting it’s not going to happen right now, so that’s making it a bit easier.


*****Mouths have passed and I am now sleeping again. My depression has pasted as well and I am feeling things again deeply. I am still on medication, but this time I am on a different one, so I am able to sleep all night. What a beautiful feeling, sleep. What a night mare that was this winter without sleep. I’ll tell you the story another time.


I decided to change the idea of this blog. This is no longer a self help blog, it’s now a blog focusing on my journey living with bipolar. A place for me to vent and tell my story. Everything you read here will be my thoughts and views on living with bipolar 1 disorder. My mental health and emotional journey.



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